Don't hit the monks!
by Saiyuki-kun
Summary: Well I based this one from experience. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Please read and review. Oh and all flames will be laughed at.
1. Don't hit the monks

Me: Normal, bright but gloomy day. Gojyo and Goku were tossing witty yet not so witty banter back and forth. And me, I'm stuck in the middle. Trying to read a manga, I shout in my head for them to stop. Clenching my fist, I set the book down.

"Shut the hell up! I'm trying to read ! And I'm pretty sure your bickering is getting on Sanzo's nerves as well."

Hey they stopped, but why are they staring at me like I'm a foreign object? Turning around to face us, Sanzo looks relieved that he didn't have to do anything. Picking back up my manga, I open it slowly.

"Don't even think about starting again."

"Y-Yes ma'am."

Facing forward, Gojyo pulls out a smoke and lights it. Glancing in the rear-view mirror, Hakkai gives a gentle smile. Sighing, i give up on trying to read. Pulling out a sketch pad, I draw a scene that had occured not to long ago.

It was all quick, but the attack was still fresh. Getting the basic outline done, Jeep slows to a halt.

"All out"

"Sanzo, I'm"

"No."

"But you don't know what I was going to ask."

"Come on, monk get the chibi monkey somethin' to eat so he'll shut up."

"Hakkai, I'll do it. I'll get Goku something."

"You will! Thank you sooo much you're a life saver"

"No problem."

Walking away, Sanzo glances back.Grasping my hand Goku pulls me along. Running to keep up, the teen finally stops. Stopping that is at a noodle shop. Does he ever use his brain instead of his stomach?

"Goku."

"Yeah, Sanzo"

WHACK

"OW! What was the heck was that for"

"Come on."

"Genjyo, Sanzo...um excuse me but I offered to get the teen something."

"Fine."

Did I do something to make him upset? Standing by Goku he orders almost everything. Whoa! I don't have that much! Placing my hand on his, he stops.

"I don't have that much Goku, sorry."

"It's alright. I'm sorry."

"Naw don't worry about it."

We both sit down, and start to eat. drinking my tes a random yet hilarious memory came floating back.

FLASHBACK

"HAKKAI DON'T HIT THE MONK"

"Hakkai where'd you learn how to drive? A cereal box"

"No I'm afraid not. But there were a few monks crossing the road and I didn't want to hit them."

"Oh how thoughtful of you."

"Sanzo. You're a heartless bastard when it comes to monks. Even though you're one too."

"Shut the fuck up, Kappa."

Laughing, i could not help but laugh even harder at Sanzos' discontented face.

"We're going to see the Pope! Yay"

"What the hell's she on? Crack"

"The Pope? Sanzo who's the Pope"

"Some old bastard."

"Oh."

Finally stopping, Jeep slows down. What's goign on? Great, of all places we have to stop at a monestary.

"DON'T HIT THE MONKS"

After notes:

yamikurama: Sorry for the word count. It's just a little something I experienced a couple years ago.

Sanzo: ch

Yamikurama: Awww come on sanzo, don't be such a stick in the mud!

Gojyo: More like he has a stick up his ass, to me.

Sanzo: Do you want to die?


	2. Replay

"Replay"

Gojyo: Sleep that's all thatI ask for and what do I get! Dreams that replay all 'til I wake up. Ok, I'm about to drwon in water then I about get eaten by a shark.Rewind. End up the same way. Now it switches to where I'm being attacked and killed by werewolves! Rewind. Happens again. ACK! THat one was totally wierd beyond reason.

Making out with Hakkai, then him killing me? Rewind. Just go on to the next replay, don't stay here!

"Gojyo you ok?"

"Hmmm...Ha-Hakkai?"

"We've stopped. Would you like anything?"

"...a smoke."

"smiles It certainately is a lovely night, don' you think?"

"If you say so."

"You don't seem yourself, you alright?"

"Just fune, goin' back to sleep."

Falling asleep instantly, the reply dreams took over. Great, another distraction, besides Hakkai. If I don't get any sleep I'll never beable to guard myself against youkai attacks. Rolling over, I couldn't get comfortable. Damn it! These damn replays are getting on my nerves! Replay #4. Vampires?

4 hours later

Damn it all to hell! Forget sleep.

"Hey pervy Kappa move over! You're squishing me!"

Moves over.

"What's wrong with you? Huh, what's wrong?"

"Shut up you midget monkey!"

Dozing off after 10 minutes another replay dream came. Running. More rinning. Gyumaoh...and...and Hakkai. THUMP! Ouch! Sitting up, I rub the back of my neck.

"Have a nice nap, Kappa?"  
"Dokugakuji?"

It's a dream all a big nightmare. Rewind. Not again, but why are these dreams plaguing me? Why is it just me? Htis last one definetly a dream... at least I think it is?

"Gojyo?"

"Hmmmmm... what is i-"

ACK! Why'd he have to kiss me full on the mouth! I was hoping to share that with a woman and bottle of booze! But no he had to take it. Rewind. I don't need to see that again! Finally waking up to another starry night, Hakkai had lightly layed his head on my shoulder. Pulling out a smoke, I knew that this wasn't a dream. Chewing on the butt of the cigarette, I light it after 2 minutes. Unconsciously I pull my arm around Hakkai. Closing my eyes again, nothing came. Not a single replay.

Author's notes:

yami-kurama: Sorry for the word count.

Sanzo: Wasn't this supposed to be a one shot, woman?

yami-kurama: Heh heh heh, yeah but I had gotten a request for more.

Goku: HWo's the next one gonna be based on?

Yami-kurama: You


	3. When food attacks

Author's note: Ok this is the third segment to "Don't hit the monks!". I hope you enjoy Goku's little food 'problem'.

Goku:

"Sanzo! I need food, I can't walk anymore!"

"Shut-up, I am NOT feeding you, you damn monkey!"

"But sanzo!"

"You heard 'im, now shut-up. I'm gonna laugh when one of these days

the food you eat is gonna eat you."

Gojyo that's not funny! Since when is my food gonna rebel and try to eat

me? But I have never thought about it. Oh well. Catching up to them, I lag behind for

the second time. Damn they walk too fast. Their legs are too long!

"Can you guys slow down? grumble Sanzo can we please get

something to eat!"

"If you must eat then get something, but hurry up or we'll leave

you behind."

"Sanzo I'm afraid Goku has no money to get something."

"Speaking of which, priest, smokes are in order."

"Fine!"

Yay! I get food! Gazing at everything on the bar, I start to drool. Wiping it away I look

at Sanzo. I swear I had hearts for eyes. Getting a major anger mark, he waves to go.

Jumping from my seat, I run to the bar. Picking up a plate, I pile it high with food.

After I had finished, I walk back to the table. Rolling off the plate, I move to pick up

the meat bun.

Grasping the bun, something bit me. Damn it! Pulling back my hand, slight

rivers ran down my hand. Looking under the table, the damned meat bun was

growling and glaring at me. Sitting back up , I look at Sanzo, then Gojyo and lastly

Hakkai. Looking at me worried, I jump from my seat. The damn thing bit me!

Shaking my leg to see if I can get it off, it tightens it's grip. It won't come off!

"Sanzo the meat bun won't let go!"

"your problem not mine."

"Get it off! Hakkai!"

Laughing his ass off, Gojyo finally gets up and helps. Prying it off, he throws the bun

towards Sanzo. Who pulls out the banishing gun and shoots it.

"I'm sorry Goku. I couldn't resist."

"You're mean Hakkai."

"I told you saru that food is going to attack you."

"Shut-up Gojyo!"

Whining I felt I lost my appetite. Sitting back down, I watch Sanzo take out a

smoke and light it. Inhaling deeply, my eyes follow his every move. Blinking I look

away. Why is it that sanzo never helps me when I ask him? Exhaling the toxic

smoke, I let my attention wander back to my food. Waaahhh! Sanzo it moved

again!

"Damn it Saru! You were complaining you were hungry now eat something!"

"Y-Yes Sanzo? "

"God you're so annoying, eat or do I have to force it down your throat?"

"N-No you don't have to."

Good it's not moving anymore. Sighing I stand up from the table. Walking over to

Sanzo and lightly kiss his cheek. Staring at me in shock, his lit cigarette fell from his

mouth.

"I've suddenly lost my appetite."


	4. The nuns attack

Author's note: This is the fourth installment to "Don't hit the monks!" I hope you enjoy it.

"The Nuns attack" 

Hakkai:

"Sanzo, there seems to be a church up ahead. Should we ask if we could stay

for the night?"

"Ch"

"As long as they allow smokes and booze, I'm down with it."

"I doubt it Gojyo. After all it is a holy place."

"Stopping in front of the church, we all clamor out. Opening the door, the

first five pews were occupied. They all seemingly seemed to be in their 60's.

"Excuse me, Ma'am?"

"Shh –turns around- oh my."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to interrupt you but could you spare a few rooms for the

night?"

"Yes, yes my dear. It would be a pleasure. Let me show you to which rooms

you will be staying."

Following the elderly woman, Gojyo and Goku both break out into an

argument. With Sanzo ending it with a fire from his banishing gun. Must he

insist on ending it that way, Especially in here? Smiling at the nun, when she

had looked back. The poor lady's face was twisted in horror.

Trying to reassure the woman, Sanzo shatters that idea.

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's alright dear."

"Sanzo! I'm hungry!"

WHACK!

"Ouch!"

"Quit you whining you damn saru!"

"You of all people, a Sanzo priest, should never swear!"

"Oh shut up you old hag."

Oi! Sanzo you're not making this any easier. Neither are Goku and Gojyo.

The so-called serenity of the night was coming all to quickly.

Gracefully pulling my shirt up and over my head, I carefully make my way

to the bed. Sitting down, I swing my legs up on the bed and pull the covers

up. All was quiet for the next 4-5 hours.

Normal:

"AAAHHHH! Goku, Goku!"

SNORE!

"Forget it. Sanzo! –bangs on the door"

"What?"

"I can't see _It_!"

"Damn perverted Kappa –slams the door"

"whimpers Hakkai…Hakkai."

"What is it Gojyo?"

"I can't see _IT_!"

"Oh…oh, OH, IT."

"Whines Yeah, _It_."

Hakkai: Calming the other man down, neither of us had noticed the nuns

standing there. Looking at the door, shocked as hell, I stand up.

"Ladies it's not what it looks like. Or what you think."

"Are you sure about that Hakkai?"

What does he mean 'Are you sure about that?'………… Leaning me

backwards supported by his arm, he locks lips with mine.

Letting go, I felt a little, I guess, dazed.

"Excuse us ladies. A little privacy."

"I hope you don't plan on having it, in god's holy church!"

"Even better."

"Gojyo!"

"Heaven forbid it! **Whacks Gojyo over the head**"

Chasing Gojyo from the room, I had sat on the floor confused, and

bewildered. Coming back, they each had a rolling pin in hand. Gojyo, look

what you've gotten us into! Sliding down the corridor, he had pulled me into

the shadows as the nuns passed by. Leaning against him, we both sigh. Both

hoping they don't find us, we had thought too soon.

"There they are, get them!"

"Run for it."

I think we're losing them, pulling me into a dark closet, he holds me close,

as if saying sorry. Laughing quietly, he looks at me. Grinning stupidly, I

catch him off guard by kissing him.

"I think they're gone now?"

"Let's get some sleep."

"Sleep sounds good."


End file.
